Thursday, August 24, 2006

Hate the sin not the sinner...

That song has been stuck in my head for the last two days and seems appropriate here. Well that and my secret love for bad boy Robbie. Oh the shame.

Yes I was a victim of child cr****t abuse. My mother cr****ted me a purple cotton bikini with matching poncho. Those of you have met me will understand how very very cruel that was.

We also had in our house, not one, but two cr****ted swan centrepieces. It has been my mission of many years to purchase all known patterns of this particular crime against taste to prevent other impressionable youngsters from suffering as I did. And now I find that Interweave has it as a freebie. Oh the inhumanity.

Pity me and understand.

PS I did macrame as a child. My mother was forced to display spider plants over the bath cradled in wonky cream pot plant holders and a really hideous macrame owl wall hanging. I think we can consider that some payback for the cr****t. Or, horror of horrors, the cr****t was payback for the macrame. A vicious cycle of evil crafts.


Jejune said...

Oh no! The evil swan pattern is ONLINE? Back away slowly, and dash for the door!

I am concerned that you actually FOUND this, though, Taph - this means you were LOOKING for it! Aaaaah, the abused now tortures herself, in an endless tragic cycle.

I must admit that I too did macrame - but it was in the 70s, so I had to, OK? There was a rather nice little bag thing in fine cotton, and far too many owls, and of course the essential spider-plant pot holder. Aren't you glad those days are long gone?

Taphophile said...

I was going to post a pic of the dreaded swan centrepiece to show you all how truly traumatic it is and that's what I found.

I leave it up to you to follow the link or not.

Margie said...

Hooley dooley that there is a monstrosity.

I knat a scarf last year in a lace pattern than I thought looked like macrame and some woman thought it *was* macrame and posted it on her Macrame in Australia blog. Heh. I even put wooden beads on the ends of the tassels.

I did give it to my friend because I didn't like to wear it very much. She loves it. All is right with the world again.

happyspider said...

oh sweet dog, that is hideous. and taph i mourn for your younger self trussed up in a crochet bikini... eewwwwwwww

Sheep Rustler said...

OK, now I understand your hatred of the art. No child should ever have been forced to wear a purple crocheted bikini with matching poncho, that is definitely abuse of the highest order.

Never did macrame, one saving grace at least. And though I learned to c*****t in the 70s I didn't actually use it until a couple of years ago because I never thought there was anything nice you could do with it. I won't say another word about it again, promise!

kylie said...

you know i saw in my LYS this morning a new pattern book called Retro Crochet Patterns from the 60s and 70s. its was all browns and oranges and ponchos like i saw on a certain Vague blog. I gagged and ran from the shop (not forgetting to pay for my DPNs however). these things could only be considered coolly retro by those never forced to endure them the first time around. evil people.

Margie said...

By the way, the fillum clip for that song is rather disturbing, ne? That robbie. Sigh.